(this is Part II of "Two Dreams". to read Part I, start from the entry below this one)
two. i was leading them, against Them. we were losing. They were climing up to our walls, up to our forts, and soon i saw their heads poking up. They had their faces painted like clowns, with lines and shapes covering their faces. some may have simply been blood dripping from their wounds on their eyes. They shot towards us Blood Bombs, and i was yelling out orders. we were losing the battle. i had never lost a battle. then They were standing up on our penetrated forts, arrows aiming towards me. i attacked, trying to kill as many as i could. i swung my weapon wildly, trying to block as many bombs as i could. as i yelled for my team to fall back, a few arrows pierced my waist. the wounds were not life-threatening.
we had lost the battle.
grabbing my waist wound, i tore through the building, looking for my captain. i was sure he would understand the loss. i looked from door to door, looking for him. when i had reached him, though, he was not alone. he was with another woman, about my age, and they were talking casually. the woman was packing, not as if to retreat a battle, but for a vacation. i was confused.
then the captain noticed me standing there, wounded and tired. hurt. he seemed to be annoyed at my presence. i told him that we lost the battle. that i did my best, that the enemy had too much Blood Boms compared to us.
he told me, "you are a miserable thing."
then he walked out of the room with the woman, not looking back.
i could not remember what my position was, but it had a name everyone knew. i was proud of my position as the leader of my team. but now i cannot even remember my name.
i walked back, dizzy, into the Main Room, where there were wooden signs throughout the room, congratulating promotions and recording wins and losses. i desperately tried to look for my own, but i could not find any.
then a close friend, i'll call her K. K came up and took me away. soon, i found myself in comfortable pants and a pullover. i was tired. K. insisted we go for something to eat. we entered a mall-like place, with restaurants. as we approached the escalators, a guy came up to me, and asked me,
"aren't you 00000?"
i could not remember my name, but i realized after he had gone ( i had given him silence as answer) that he was referring to me. i felt a pang.
K. grabbed me by my hand and we were on the escalator to the 2nd floor. she asked me what i wanted to eat, and i shrugged. then we both caught someone we knew. her name was Liza, and she was the right-hand of the Captain. she was much older than us, and she was well respected. she did not see us, and we soon lost the sight of her.
for some reason, i wanted to talk to her.
i did not see her on the 2nd floor restaurant, so i told K. that i didn't want to eat there. we went up to the 3rd floor, and Liza was there. K. went up to her, me trailing slowly behind her, and apparently K. had asked Liza, who was eating alone, to join us. i was glad. she came over to our table, and sat to the left of me.
then a group of people i barely knew entered the restaurant, talking loudly. they were talking about The Battle. the one i had lost. they talked about the Blood Bombs, and they mentioned my name that i could not remember. i don't think they recognized me with my hair loose and without my uniform. as my name was mentioned, i felt sick and put down my chopsticks.
K. asked me if i always eat so little. i told her that i usually eat a lot. i also told her i just didn't feel like eating. suspicious, K. asked me if i ever threw up my food. i told her no. Liza was listening.
as my name was mentioned by the loud group of people, i had mumbled "oh god" and swept my forehead with my right hand. Liza suddenly leaned towards me, and put her own hand on my forehead.
"you look different, 00000"
i stared at her, not knowing what she meant by that. what was my name again?
K. told Liza that i had cut my hair and that it was pulled loose. Liza nodded, still looking at me.
then she mentioned The Battle, and said my name again.
"the Battle of Blood, that's what they're calling it?" i said, not really asking.
"yes," Liza answered, "you were there."
i did not say anything. K. knew not to talk about The Battle. i had already told her what the Captain had said to me. i almost wanted Liza to know too.
"i don't know if i'm still..." i stopped, unable to remember my name.
K. told Liza, "They had more Blood Bombs than allowed." Liza nodded, understanding, or perhaps already knowing and simply confirming the information. i was glad she understood.
i felt sick again. Liza noticed me grabbing onto the table, knuckles tightening.
"00000?"
"... i am a miserable thing."
K. stopped eating, and looked up. Liza gave me a quizzical look at my mumbling.
then from where i sat, i saw the guy who had approached me on the 1st floor, calling my name.
the world went black.
No comments:
Post a Comment