are you happy now?

happy. happiness. happily ever after. capital H, question mark.

it's like the word "peace"; you cannot simply throw it around and expect something to come for you. do you know what i mean? such horrible, horrible words. so confusing, so lost, so without meaning, and yet... people expect you to use it. ask you questions. are you happy now? don't you want world peace?

i pause, i hesitate, and i am confused. i tell them, you know, no one knows what those words mean anyway. why do you ask such things? not knowing the answer to those questions does not necessarily mean i am deprived of those things. they are like very, very expensive diamonds. and when they come in your posession, you daren't wear them. you stare at them, for hours and hours, waiting for it to crack, or become lost, rolling away to someone who is lucky to have found it, or to turn dull. i stare into its starry depths. and i am emersed.

so are you happy now?
do not hesitate in hesitating.
take your time.
stare.